Describe a place during a spell of extreme weather. Write approximately 400 words.

What this task is testing

This is one of the 30-mark writing tasks and it is descriptive rather than narrative. AO4 carries 20 marks for content and its effect on a reader; AO5 carries 10 marks for organisation, vocabulary, sentence variety and technical accuracy. The two grids are applied independently, so a vivid piece with unreliable punctuation and a plain piece with faultless accuracy end up in different places on each. Approximately 400 words is enough to render one place at one time thoroughly. It is not enough to survey a whole region, and the attempt to do so is what keeps most competent responses in the middle bands.

Reading the task

Two words control the answer. Place means the subject is the location and not the storm; the weather is the condition the place is in. Spell means a stretch of time rather than an instant, which permits, and quietly invites, a piece that changes as the hours pass. Extreme can mean heat, drought, snow, wind, flood or cold, and the choice matters less than the precision with which one of them is rendered. The task does not ask what happened to anyone, so a rescue or an escape is a distraction from the mode being assessed.

The material that earns credit

• Creating a strong sense of place through precise, selective detail rather than a list of features. Three exact things beat twelve approximate ones. A gutter that has stopped running, a doormat that has frozen to the step, tape crossed over a shop window: each of those does more than a general statement that everything looked bad.
• Using a range of senses, including sound, temperature, smell and touch as well as sight. Extreme weather is felt before it is seen. Air that scours the throat, the ache of cold in the teeth, the smell of hot dust or wet stone, the roar that makes a person shout to be heard: these are the details a reader recognises as true, and they are also what distinguishes description from a photograph in words.
• Varying the focus, moving between wide views and small particulars. This is a compositional skill and is highly creditable. A long view of the flooded field, then a single sodden glove caught on a fence wire, then the view again. The alternation gives the piece rhythm and keeps the description from settling into one distance.
• Using imagery, sentence length and rhythm to control pace and atmosphere. A sequence of short sentences can imitate the hammering of hail; a long, subordinated sentence can hold the reader inside a slow, oppressive heat. Imagery earns credit when it is chosen and sustained, not when unconnected comparisons pile up.
• Suggesting the presence or absence of people and their response to the conditions. An empty street is described by what is missing from it. A person hurrying with a coat pulled over the head, seen for one clause and not followed, is description; the same person given a name and a destination has started a story.
• Shaping the piece with a clear structure, for example by following the passage of hours or by circling back to an opening image. Description still needs a plan. Following the spell from its first sign to its worst point, or returning at the close to the image the piece opened on, converts a set of observations into a whole.

These are routes rather than requirements. A response that does none of them and still holds a reader for 400 words is rewarded on the grids below.

A workable shape for 400 words

1. Open in the middle of the conditions with one concrete image, not with a statement about the weather.
2. Widen to the place as a whole, using two or three exact details of what the weather has changed.
3. Move close: one surface, one sound, one small object altered by the conditions.
4. Let people appear briefly, as part of the scene, and then let them go.
5. Return to the opening image, changed by the time that has passed, and stop.

What a weak response does

A weak response opens with a general announcement such as the weather that week was absolutely terrible and everyone was suffering badly, and then repeats it in different words. It relies on intensifiers rather than on detail, so that things are very hot, extremely cold or incredibly loud without ever being specific. It usually turns into a narrative about a family trapped indoors, at which point the descriptive mode is abandoned. On AO4 that is a straightforward response with an uneven hold on the mode. On AO5 the same piece often sequences its paragraphs by accident, and lists joined with commas replace varied sentence forms.

AO4 (20 marks), for communication and adaptation to purpose, form and audience

• Level 1 (1-4 marks): the response is thin or drifts from the task, with little sense of the chosen mode.
• Level 2 (5-8 marks): the task is addressed in a straightforward way, with some appropriate material and an uneven hold on the mode.
• Level 3 (9-12 marks): the task is clearly addressed, the mode is sustained and the content is developed with some detail.
• Level 4 (13-16 marks): a convincing and well developed response, with material selected for effect and a consistent voice.
• Level 5 (17-20 marks): a compelling and sophisticated response, with original handling of the task and sustained control of effect on the reader.

AO5 (10 marks), for organisation, vocabulary, sentence variety and accuracy

• Level 1 (1-2 marks): little structure, very limited vocabulary and errors that impede meaning.
• Level 2 (3-4 marks): simple sequencing, plain vocabulary and frequent errors, though the meaning is usually clear.
• Level 3 (5-6 marks): a clear structure, some varied vocabulary and sentence forms, with errors that do not obscure meaning.
• Level 4 (7-8 marks): purposeful paragraphing, precise vocabulary and controlled variety of sentence structure, with few errors.
• Level 5 (9-10 marks): assured shaping of the whole piece, ambitious and accurate vocabulary and a wide range of sentence structures used for effect.

Examination takeaway

Choose one place, one kind of extreme weather and a span of a few hours. Spend the planning minute deciding the order in which the reader will be moved through the space, and make at least half the detail non-visual. Replace every intensifier with a precise noun or verb and the AO4 mark rises without another idea being added.